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Friday, December 07, 2007
Truth Detector
I just watched The Golden Compass today, and I cannot help but comment that it was a movie that made absolutely no sense to me.
And this is not in the way that people say 'The Matrix' didn't make sense to them, because there was actually nothing in The Matrix to 'get'. This was more like me going 'Wtf. That doesn't make any sense ... ' more than ten times during the movie. Just because it's fantasy doesn't mean you can do whatever you want.
I have no idea at all why Christians and Catholics were so worked up over the movie. If I were a Christian I'd be laughing at the pathetic attempt to defame the church. After all, calling your soul a 'Daemon' but pronouncing it as you would say 'Demon' was totally the most subtle attack I've ever seen in a movie. In actual fact the whole movie could have been shortened to a scene with the author (his name escapes me) walking over to a cross and pissing on it, with none of the bullshit that went on.
Spoiler alert
Here's just a small list of the inconsistencies/gaps in the movie :
- They keep mentioning the fact that a person and his/her daemon are bonded, and if one gets hurt in any way, so does the other. So why the Hell does Nicole Kidman bitch-slap her monkey (no this is not a euphemism) and not get a swollen cheek? There are many other instances of stuff like this happening too.
- If Lyra is some uber important girl from a prophecy, why on earth would the college let her go off with scary Nicole Kidman (who later turns out to be her mother) when they already know that she works for the church? Oops I mean Magisterian. You're not supposed to know it's the church.
- If the Golden Compass is the last one in existence, and some really important artifact, the safest thing to do with it is obviously to put it in the hands of a 12 year old girl, especially one that has already proven that she doesn't give a damn about what anyone tells her.
- I know James Bond is really cool and all, but it's a little bit too much bravado to be wandering into the north pole full of angry bears alone, and get captured almost the minute we see him there, isn't it.
- Someone in the movie (I can't remember who) said that the Magisterian wants to control all the parallel universes. So... why is it that they want to kill the man who is about to discover a way to travel between the universes? (James Bond)
- If Gandalf the Bear is now the king of all the bears, why does he have to go into the final battle of the movie alone, instead of bringing an army of snarling raging beasts to own the Norwegian soldiers?
- I can understand the Gyptians wanting to raid that place in the North to rescue their babies, but I see no discernable purpose in the witches (led by the ugliest Bond girl ever) wanting to join in the fight to shoot a couple of random arrows here and there.
- Ghost Rider's (Old cowboy in a blimp) introduction to the movie was just so random.
- If a person's Daemon is a physical manifestation of his/her soul, why on earth wouldn't you pick a big scary or at least dangerous animal for it to be? Lyra keeps getting owned because her Daemon is a stupid useless rat. Or cat. Or some hamster flying thing. Nicole Kidman's baboon (wtf?) is useful in rat catching, but it'll probably get owned by James Bond's tiger?
- Also if I had to carry my soul around in me and it HAD to be a small pathetic little thing, I'd keep it locked up in a titanium box so it can't be harmed, but that's just me.
That's about all I feel like typing at the moment.
Spoilers End Here
I suppose we could grant the movie a 'Get out of Jail Free' pass by saying it's the first part of a trilogy, and that all these discrepancies will be explained in the future movies, but that doesn't make it any suckier. I didn't intend to initially, but I suppose I'll go look for the books to see if they make as much (or little) sense as the movie.
The fact of the matter is that there will always be atheists. And nothing we say or do is going to change any minds. Hell as a matter of fact nothing we say or do can ever change anybody's minds. Reason is something that has absolutely no application in that department. So just let them say what they want. Besides if anyone is weak-minded enough to convert to atheism because of the movie/books I'm sure they'll be weak-minded enough to be converted back to the church.
I guess I should reserve my judgement until all 3 movies come out, or at least until I've read the books, but this was kinda too hilarious for me to ignore. And it was, quite possibly, the worst movie I've ever watched. Also, it proves that atheism doesn't make sense.
Moca wrote @ 11:56 PM
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