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Thursday, November 22, 2007
It Never Gets Easier
I was on the point of crying at her, 'Don't you hear them?' The dusk was repeating them in a persistent whisper all around us, in a whisper that seemed to swell menacingly like the first whisper of a rising wind.
You could never have told, but As have ended. Now the daily task comes of forcing myself not to waste this month away and do something with my life, for once.
It's always nice to feel needed by someone.
There can be miracles whether you believe or not.
I believe that deep down what people want more than love sometimes is appreciation for their efforts. Love seems... too much to ask for, from others. (Trying to lower my expectations of other people here) But I suppose even that requires effort on your part, you can't cower under your blankets every day and yet complain that nobody appreciates you. Shelve your pride, or gain some, whichever's the solution to your problem.
And you would think that the number of times I've been through this, it'd have gotten easier to deal with. Feels as though each time hits in even harder though. Sometimes I have too high expectations of people. This time I feel maybe I have too high expectations of God. Does that even make sense? Dad used to say a long time ago that Mom getting cancer was a somewhat... roundabout way of God bringing the family together, and bringing us closer to Him. Something like... tough love. I suppose it worked for them. I have no idea how He can bear to though.
A long long time ago when i used to read the Bible I used to find Job the most problematic book. Here's a man who's been good and faithful, and God throws all sorts of crap onto the man TO PROVE THE POINT? that a good faithful man can take all that punishment, and yet not blame God, because he's supposed to not understand God's methods. In that story God didn't seem to have any methods other than to prove a point?
Oddly enough if things like that happened to me I doubt I'd blame God, I'm not really in the habit of putting blame on others. Blame is something you joke about after something went wrong, a pretty much irrelevant concept because it doesn't change the situation you're in.
England just conceded 2 goals in the first 15 minutes. This is a nice omen.
Update : England lost 2-3 in the end. )=
So in the end I suppose the question is : What are you trying to prove?
Moca wrote @ 3:50 AM
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