::AO1D - RJC
::RJC - '07
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::Wang Ling
::Wang Ting - RJC
::Wei Ren - RJC
::Xinrui - RJC
::QC - comic
::Girlsarepretty - 'comic'
::Ctrl-alt-del - comic
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Sunday, April 29, 2007
Single-minded
I wish I were.
It's getting increasingly difficult to concentrate on what i'm doing. I used to have this natural ability to block out everything else when i'm focussed on something, not to become oblivious, but just not let anything affect what i want to do. Maybe i still can, but i'm finding it harder to enter that state. All the little mental distractions keep seeping through the filters, things that i definitely shouldn't be thinking about. I've always tried to think that if something bothers me, i'd either go do something about it, or ignore it.
Rarely have i come across something that neither solution works with.
I've finished CnC3 campaigns, so i'll probably be uninstalling it soon. I think. I'm refraining from starting to watch any new series right now, even though Heroes and Prison Break seem really cool. Oh i managed to grab a DotA game on my bro's comp earlier this afternoon, and am happy to announce that my skills are still intact. Actually i just kinda needed that for myself.
One last thing : my 2nd song is almost ready! Now to find some way to put music on this blog.
Moca wrote @ 9:53 PM
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Tuesday, April 24, 2007
You Should Be Working
I never mentioned how much I love that mug; one of the many ironies that surround my life with.
Moca wrote @ 6:43 PM
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Saturday, April 21, 2007
Follow Me
I went to church today! And it was totally one of those times where you feel that the sermon's for you and you alone. Haha. I feel so... inspired that i just have to type it out because it's pretty cool. It's also something alot of people wouldn't know.
The gospel reading was that... one after Christ's death where the disciples are like moping around and stuff. Then they decide to go fishing, and Jesus appears on the shore, they catch lots of fish and they go back to shore to eat breakfast with him. Then during breakfast Jesus talks to Peter.
Jesus : Peter do you love me?
Peter : Yes Lord, I love you.
Jesus : Peter do you love me?
Peter : Yes Lord, I love you.
Jesus : Peter do you love me?
Peter : (now very hurt because Jesus asked him so many times) )= Lord you know everything you know I love you.
Jesus : Follow me.
(There's something about 'feeding my lambs' inbetween the conversation but it's not really relevant)
Note : the significance of him asking 3 times is to reflect Peter's triple denial of him earlier in the gospel
Anyway the point was that in the original Greek version, the conversation is somewhat different, translated literally, it went something like this :
Jesus : Peter do you have Agape love for me? (Where Agape love = love to the point of sacrificing one's own life)
Peter : (knowing that he can't say he does because he denied Christ 3 times) Yes Lord, i have filia love for you. (Where Phileo love = like and admire)(in a sense, he dodges the question here)
Jesus : Peter do you have Agape love for me?
Peter : Yes Lord, i have Phileo love for you.
Jesus : Okay fine. Peter do you have Phileo love for me?
Peter : Yes Lord, i have Phileo love for you.
Jesus : Follow me.
The moral of the story is I guess that Jesus accepted even Peter's imperfect love for him, as long as he was willing to follow. I don't think i can explain exactly how i feel it relates to my situation exactly, but it just sort of felt like it did. Haha.
Edit : See Rachel's definition's for the Greek words, though the meaning is still somewhat the same i guess.
Moca wrote @ 11:12 PM
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Wrong angle
Everyone around me seemed happier yesterday. That's good i guess.
I noticed something yesterday. I keep looking at mirrors from the side, expecting to see my own reflection, only to realise that it doesn't really work out that way. (curse physics. Oh random note, when i first heard about the campus shootings in Virginia my first thought was 'bloody engineers', after which i went back to sleep) Anyway... yea. It happened like twice in one day, even though i knew i wouldn't be able to see myself from that angle, i unconsciously tried anyway.
My foot hurts like hell now for some reason, such that i can't even pedal on the piano properly. My mom suggested it was psychological, though i don't think she really heard me when i told her, engrossed in her own work as she was. Still... she has a habit of being right about me without intending to be.
My life has become a boring pop song but nobody's singing along.
Moca wrote @ 12:04 PM
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Thursday, April 19, 2007
Fin de Siecle
I feel like... what we all used to think those people felt during the turn of the century. Like.. all the uncertainty and wonder of what's going to happen in the future etc. And it was kinda overnight. My life seems to have no real sense of direction anymore, apart from As, but even that seems so.. far away, and so abstract a concept.
Going to school this past week seemed so pointless and hollow. It's like all i'm going there for are the lessons, which no doubt have been really helpful this week. Saves alot of effort on my own to listen in class.
Oh another thing. Concert has opened up so many possibilities in the realm of music for me. Every idle thought keeps drifting back to music, and what i want to do next. Nothing's confirmed yet, but sadly i don't think everyone in my band shares this enthusiasm. Not for the first time i lament not knowing anyone i can talk about music with.
or anything else.
The scariest part now is, i'm angsting and i can't even be bothered to do anything about it.
Moca wrote @ 10:25 PM
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Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Point of Distraction
Congratulations, you've suceeded in subverting my mind off my work.
Moca wrote @ 8:54 PM
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Monday, April 16, 2007
I Hate Pride and Prejudice
In all possible ways.
Moca wrote @ 10:10 PM
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Sunday, April 15, 2007
Angels and Devils
Fighting all the devils will take time
And yet this is something in which we don't have time to lose.
Tomorrow begins hardcore mugging, hopefully. Yet concert has left me with such inspiration for music that there's no way i can put it aside now. It's so much a part of my life i realise, going back to the piano is something i can never resist. I don't understand how people say they love their instruments yet put them aside for weeks to months on end. It's sad, actually. Thank God music is something that will never die.
Oh and there's Starcraft, which is getting really fun now that I actually have people to play with. And the CnC3 disc is still sitting on my CPU waiting to be installed. Haha.
But i do loads of time on my hands.
Moca wrote @ 10:29 PM
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Yours to lose, mine to win
Haha i'm still feeling the after-effects of the concert more than 24 hours after, but anyway thanks to all that came down to watch us play. It was quite... i dunno, satisfying. And i realise no matter how much i talk of playing music for myself, it's always nice to hear compliments from others.
The shock of my new hair has yet to set in. I'm waiting for when i finally realise like 'Oh my God you actually did something like that' but for now i'm enjoying the looks of surprise on the faces of friends.
Oh and PW. Haha. Shock shock shock.
Surprises are nice, because it does usually take quite alot to surprise me. But whether it's a good or bad surprise i find i usually enjoy it. Keeps you on your toes. Life's no fun if you predict everything along the way.
Moca wrote @ 12:18 AM
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Thursday, April 12, 2007
En Taro Adun
Right now i'll take a battlecry from any language.
I can't help but constantly think, 'I'm not ready. We're not ready' but of course i don't think i'll ever be. Some reassurance of some sort would be nice, but then again i've never lived on things like that before. The fact that i'm sick won't, or shouldn't bother me tomorrow. Mind over matter, i've proven that once this week already.
The stress stops the minute I step on stage, or at least, becomes inconsequential. It's always like that. 'Never let anxiety affect performance, focus on the task at hand and get it done.' Sometimes i think i have more mental discipline than i thought i did. Somebody once told me that despite popular belief, my failing wasn't lack of discipline, it was apathy. I still havn't decided whether he was right or not, but it's times like these that makes me agree.
Sleep will not come easily tonight.
Then again, the easy way's for noobs.
Moca wrote @ 10:29 PM
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Sunday, April 08, 2007
Happy Easter
I didn't go to church today.
It's symbolic, sort of. Reflects my life without God. No love, no direction, and plenty of unfulfilled potential.
The irony is that it's all self-inflicted.
I... thought about whether i should type out what happened. Then i realised that since i don't feel i have anyone i can really talk to about it, i might as well let everyone know, on an impersonal level.
Haha okay i actually wrote quite abit then i just deleted it all, realising how pathetic it is for me to pretend i don't have anybody to talk to.
The wonderful part about the human (note, human. not male) brain is it's inability to multi-task effectively. Hence in the interest of maximum efficiency this should be gone by tomorrow, replaced by stress for RR concert.
Moca wrote @ 7:42 PM
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Tuesday, April 03, 2007
When There's Nothing Left to Burn
You have to set yourself on fire.
When Mr. Booth gave the answer to my ending question in Lit lesson I sorta just took it in because i was way too tired to give any thought to it at that point in time. On the bus ride home I had time, and I sorta realised that alot in life has to be distinguished between that... personal and institutional thing.
What it means is I guess that while it is true that alot of the major things in life that I do now seem to be folly and a damned waste of time, it's the little inter-personal gestures and sacrifices that give our lives meaning.
Okay i really should stop writing emo philosophies on my blog.
My hands are aching from the hours of practising for concert. Even my foot hurts from moving up and down so much. There came a point in time today when i realised just how self-conscious I still am, how much self-esteem issues i have, despite my efforts to conceal it, and my admonitions of others with those problems. I've been feeling rather crappy for most of the day, the fact that i'm falling sick isn't helping either.
And it occurs to me that i have no idea where this post is going, apart from sounding alot like the people i scold.
Moca wrote @ 10:17 PM
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Monday, April 02, 2007
Ramming Speed
Wow. I've got so much to look forward to if this is going to be the average energy level for the rest of the year.
Weekend gaming is the only source of salvation to look forward to.
Moca wrote @ 10:24 PM
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Sunday, April 01, 2007
The Good Old Days
Are long gone, and it does nobody any good to keep trying to bring them back.
I guess I should advertise here first.
RAFFLES ROCK CONCERT - 13!
Date : April 13th, Friday (Omg Friday the 13th!)
Venue : RJC Performing Arts Centre
Time : 7:13pm (Don't ask)
Ticket Cost : $5 (free seating)
Bands of Note performing : EIC, My band. (W00t!)
So... yea. Come get your tickets from any Raffles Rock member! (That includes me)
Moca wrote @ 9:40 PM
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